AKB0048 is a special kind of stupid, not helped at all by the stupefyingly gaudy finale and writing on par with the material churned out by the half-literate transients that Capcom hires to write the stories for their games. I was tempted to resign myself to a post similar to Scamp’s 20 Reasons to Watch Aquarion EVOL, because any show where a girl can shoot missiles out of her arm while her friends use microphones as lightsabers deserves at least a nod before being rightfully catapulted into the oblivion of collective public amnesia.
But something happened that shouldn’t have, given that this was about as gimmicky a show as can be, something that shocked the world to the core, setting off several minor earthquakes worldwide—a sequel was announced at the tail-end of the episode. The “official” reason? Apparently the show was popular, or the people who decided to fund it were high on more oxycodone than was originally thought. But perhaps it’s not as simple as all that.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s a warning to the rest of humanity about the threat that AKB48 poses to America, and the training and weaponry that they’re being provided in order to become an interplanetary terrorist entertainment or “terrortainment” organization; we’ve already seen the horrible dystopia that the dastardly group will set in motion should they ever gain access to our deepest darkest emotions through catchy, awful J-Pop. We’d better heed the show’s warnings before it’s too late, and the arm-missile shooting cyborgs of AKB48 gain a monopoly over humanity’s collective entertainment industry. Alas, it may already be too late.
Sure, for now they may just be trying to achieve a stranglehold on our music and our anime, but what will fall next as they cut a bloody swath through popular media? Radio dramas? Minstrel shows? Our own minds?! It won’t be long until our own non-AKB children, eyes untainted by the power of moving entertainment, are conscripted and tricked into serving AKB48’s vile machinations, in space. Do you want your little boys to wave their glow-sticks around like howler monkeys, putting their lives on the line to protect these bastards from detainment at the hands of noble entertainment-stopping organizations? I know I don’t.
AKB48’s weaponry and grasp on robotics is evidently peerless. They’re ruthless, moving forward with a single-minded purpose. The AKBorg Collective is unstoppable, and only the second series, which will presumably be called AKB00048, can give humanity the hope needed to defeat them by giving a look into the foulness of their organization. So watch the second season, for the sake of your future. Until then, here’s a handy guide for determining whether your neighbors, close family, or significant others are AKB plants:
1. They’re surrounded by glowing cuttlefish aliens on a regular basis
2. They don’t find gravure shots of 13-18 year old girls all that creepy
3. They know all the words and choreography to ‘Cherry Boy’
4. They have a missile launcher protruding from their arm, most likely explained away as a birth defect.
5. They constantly talk in a cold, robotic monotone about how you will be assimilated into the AKBorg.
Resistance is futile
Or yeah, maybe the sequel is a result of the aforementioned oxycodone high.
are you an idiot if you don’t have any good things to say/type just stay silent or just hack your own fingers. I bet you never even tried to listen to AKB48 songs.
I don’t know what kind of music your into. but in the world music act today I find
Akb48 songs more relevant than any type/genre of songs today.
and If I might implicate “YOUR THE STUPID ONE”
and oh yeah there is a survey on japan on “Who’s artist encourage you when you listen to their song?” and AKB48 won it by a landslide.
so, shut up retarded no good wannabe anime critic.
More power to you for liking AKB48, hombre. I thought the show a bad way of representing what the group’s about when it didn’t have hot cattle-prod on microphonesaber action, since I assume that at least is a more accurate depiction of idols’ day to day affairs. Admittedly this wasn’t my most inspired post, but if “a serious attempt at scathing criticism” is what came to mind when reading this, you probably missed the point entirely.
Though thanks for contributing to the sudden influx in page views, they’ve been declining as of late.
AKB girls are 18-26 tho…..
Oh forgot
“catchy, awful J-Pop.”
Beginner, River, ALIVE (motivation songs with strong lyrics), Kaze wa Fuiteiru (dedicate to tsunami victims), Keibetsu (song about suicide and bullying), I’m crying (depression), Mokugekisha (people don’t stop crimes), or beautiful ballads like Sakura no shiori, Sakura no ki ni narou are consider “awful?”
kay~
Out of everything in the post, like the inexplicable lapse into halfhearted jingoism and the cringe-worthy (in retrospect) list toward the end, you home in on a throwaway sentence. More power to you, I’m just kind of confused.
Whatever. The review shows that you still need to get out of your animus shell.
Why is it your concern that I didn’t care for it? I’m honestly curious.
You have an interesting review style. You have mastered to cutting quip that is devoid of content, other than to show you feel you are superior to the work you are allegedly referring. A series of snide insults, without reference to the actual content of the object of review, is not an actual review.
Interestingly, you make a series of meta-references reviewing the cultural phenomena that the alleged object of review is situated in, again with no actual reference to the content of the alleged object of review. This reference shows the reviewer is not ignorant of the context of the work and produces a review that would be nearly meaningless to anyone that watched the subject reviewed without an awareness of the cultural context.
Since nothing was actually reviewed, I shall establish my victory as complete by giving you what you desperately crave.
You are so very clever. A wit and a genius. You are far superior to the mass culture of the world, as well as those that produce and consume it. Your inability to make yourself filthy rich, as opposed to those that produce this mass culture you so disdain, is only further evidence that you are better than most everyone, deserving of only our love and admiration.
Thank you for letting us know how clever you are. Our lives are richer for you taking the time and pointing out something that millions of people enjoy is not worthy of anyone’s time or interest. If only everything could be as worthy of attention as you.
gekikara disagrees with you http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/058/f/1/gekikara_by_taichoubear-d3akanr.jpg
Honestly, I’d love to see an episode where the Adolescent Kitsch Brigade 0048 members are all rounded up and, as punishment, forced to listen to good music.
As for the series itself, the music on this show is indeed plastic garbage, but the series has two saving graces: (1) likeable characters, and (2) the sheer hilarity of the premise’s mindblowing stupidity. I watched up to episode 14 out of morbid curiosity, only I turned the sound all the way down, so as to not hear that annoying bubblegum, and played some real music in the background.