Many of my readers may not know this, but Shinde Iie Anime Blog & Review is a major supporter of presidential hopeful Rick Santorum. From his powerful speeches about the differences between napkins and paper towels to his accurate and not at all ill-founded stance that homosexuality equates to pedophilia and bestiality, he’s earned an unfair reputation as a “bigot” and “a closeted dumbass who probably hoards Men’s Fitness magazines under his mattress to substitute for his dried husk of a wife”. Well, in celebration of Super Tuesday, I invited him to defend his views through means of an anime review, and he positively jumped at the opportunity to watch yaoi for reasons that I’m sure have little to do with repressed sexuality. Take it away, Rick!
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Thank you, Inushinde. Hello readers, my name is Rick Santorum, presidential hopeful for the Republican Party. It is my hope that I get elected so I might get this great country back on track through extensive revisions to laws regarding homosexuality and having my oil drilled by muscular, sweaty strangers while my wife is aw- I mean, setting up oil pipelines every which way.
However, my ideas have not been uncontested. To those naysayers I say that I’ve done the research and have come away with a startling revelation: Those countries that don’t have a strong Christian foundation, such as Japan, are prone to actually tolerating homosexuals and glorifying their relationships! Don’t believe me? Take a look at this shocking depiction of an actual relationship in Japan that will soon also happen frequently in the United States should the gays and environmentalists take over.
That’s right, in my countless hours of research browsing, watching, and in most cases even rewatching (Up to five times to be safe) the filthiest that gay porn has to offer, I have found Boku no Pico, the most startlingly realistic account of a homosexual relationship to date. Still don’t believe me? Well read on and let my words inundate your uninformed brain with knowledge.
First, we all know that Japan is a country that’s not predominantly Christian. Since they haven’t seen the light of our lord Jesus Christ and been filled with praise ready to burst forth like several napkins (but not paper towels), I can assume using my aforementioned research that this kind of thing is incredibly commonplace over there. Because the Japanese people lack strong family values, the boys are all incredibly feminine and the full-grown men all lust after them with carnal desire. This lack of traditional gender roles has also made the female obsolete, contributing to Japan’s declining birthrate.
I mean just look at the way Pico wraps his tongue around this ice cream cone, tracing a path around its circumference and flicking up ever so slightly to induce pleasure were that ice cream cone a penis.
If boys are being taught that trick, as I’m sure they are at this moment by homosexuals worldwide, there will be absolutely no need for women by the time I’m voted into office. I mean soon after watching, even I managed to put the technique to good use to show my constituents just how dangerous the homosexual scourge is, and how their influence has been spreading.
Probably the worst thing about Boku no Pico though is how its message specifically goes against that of Christianity. Like napkins and paper towels, the two are completely different and have no right to exist in the same universe that God in his infinite wisdom created for me to rule. Not only does “Have intercourse with young boys” go against every tenet and action of the Catholic Church, but it perpetuates the idea that children are ideal substitutes for grown adults. And I can speak from experience that a young boy just doesn’t match up to a grown man as far as satisfaction goes. As Jesus probably said, “Thou shalt not lay with young boys that look like girls when a grown one is available to lay with provided you’re wed and otherwise chaste.” By that, Jesus meant a grown woman, not a grown man, since that would be gay. Have I mentioned that I have a wife?
After watching all 32 minutes of this wretched thing and capturing hundreds of screenshots so I could relive it each time I open my ‘Boku no Pico’ folder, I’ve decided that this is the single worst pornographic thing I watched in all my hours of porn evaluation. What’s scary is this thing is all over the internet, and if left unchecked, it will be further propagated to corrupt the youth into delicious temptation. And nothing will be delicious while I, Rick Santorum, am in office! Thank you, Inushinde, for letting me share this issue with your readers. May God bless you, and God bless America!
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And thank you, Mr. Santorum! I know that there are things like the economy to look out for, but I’m glad you’ve decided to inform my readers of this very real and “delicious” threat to national security.
If anybody has something to say regarding Mr. Santorum’s frothing and slightly incomprehensible message comparing Boku no Pico to a harbinger of doom, please leave your response in the comment section as always
Disclaimer: None of the views above (officially) reflect those of Rick Santorum, nor was any of the above meant to ridicule him in any official way—he’s done plenty of that to himself. If offense was taken by any party, I apologize.
Although I’m not a fan of any of the republican candidates and would rather not talk about politics since it can get controversial, I do admit that I found this review pretty amusing…
I’m a liberal through and through, so writing this was incredibly fun. Both Boku no Pico and this man scare me, so I think they go fantastically together.
Is that really ice cream? Looks more like santorum to me…
Santorum is so much worse and… frothier than that. And that’s saying something.
LMAO So you finally finished this post XD great job!
I haven’t ever felt as filthy as I did researching for this post. Glad you liked it though ^^
[…] Inushinde pokes a little fun at Rick Santorum and his opinions on homosexuality through a satirical piece involving the presidential candidate and Boku no Pico. [Shinde Iie Anime Blog] […]
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This is easily one of, if not, the best posts I’ve read this year. Good stuff.
Thank you! It was certainly fun to write, if slightly soul crushing. Glad you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!
You made such an honourably filthy mix of two of the weirdest things on planet Earth… good satire!
The second I heard a full Rick Santorum speech, I instantly knew that this would suit him incredibly well. Nothing makes me feel warmer and fuzzier than writing such things, and seeing that people enjoy reading them.
hahahaha lol this was brilliant, great job on making me laugh ^-^
Not gonna lie, I almost cackled out loud.